Clearing the Rug

Though it sounds vaguely Sapphic I'm referring to an analogy someone made at a meeting last week:  If I am to clear the rug I cannot stand at the edge and jump, I must back up so I can take a run at it.  And that's what I'm doing, I'm backing up, biding my time or am I just telling myself that so I feel like less of a loser?  Does it matter?

Lost, again

I know that road I traveled that led me to this lost place and I think I now have the key to found. I just need a brook or a stream or a creek, just a trickle of water, of hope to get me back or I guess forward would be a better word.

I have cried multiple times a day for several weeks. My girlfriend is weary of me, I am weary of me and now the time has come to put my best foot forward and change.

She wants to be with other people and I hate it but the truth is I would like it too. Last night I resolved to let her go but now I will spend the day in inaction, thinking about what my motivation is. To do it as a means to not lose her will lead me toward more pain so the question is can I find something in it for me? Is it what I want or will I try to convince myself it's what I want?

Daddy

David and Andrew

Mima Toilet

Catherine at the Mima

Bench